I’ve always known that 39 is no age to die but it’s really hit me recently because I now have friends that age. This weekend we are off to a friend’s 40th bash and it’s hit me like a tonne of bricks… my friends are beginning to be older than my mum. Really struggling with that one and need to get my head straight because this is set to be a really fun weekend, like a mini festival – family camping, music, games, wine, burgers and a rather nice weather forecast.
My mum wouldn’t want me to be sad, I know that but the thought that it’s only a few years before I’m older than my mum really messes with my head.
When I was told my mum had died as an 8 year old child, I didn’t understand. I vividly remember it but I had no idea how that moment shaped the rest of my life. It changed everything. It changed my relationship with friends (then and now), it changed my relationship with my father, it changed me. I somehow lost some of my childhood, I had to grow up more quickly than I should of done. There wasn’t the support back then for kids that there is now and here I am left with the aftermath of that in my 30’s. One thing I have learnt though is birthdays should be celebrated- they are a big deal, they aren’t just another day. So I am going to try really hard to party hard this weekend and be happy!
Mother without a mother. 